a slap in the face…

ever have an encounter where God uses something so insignificant just to show you how really wrong you are about something? that’s happened so many times on so many occasions but it was so noticeable tonight. i joined in with my fellow “crashers” to help lead worship at jenna’s church. practice didn’t go so well, which, stupidly, put me in a bad mood. the only thought i had on my mind was “we’re so unorganized, this is a terrible way to start God’s movement.” however, when we actually led worship tonight, it was amazing! i felt like i connected with God in a way that i haven’t before during worship. slap in the face! even when one (or more) person(s) have a bad attitude during worship, God will still move. i’m so thankful that my bad attitude couldn’t prevent God from entering into worship with us. He is so awesome! i love Him!!!

The opener…

oh my…what to write? what to write? the fact that i’m starting this at 4:45 in the morning probably doesn’t help, or the fact that i’ve never written a blog before. oh well…i suppose i shall bear my soul. i grew up in the church and the funny thing is that i knew about God, but i didn’t know God. i never developed a relationship or attempted to. it wasn’t until the five years ago that i actually accepted Christ. however, i never actually surrendered to him, rather talked about him and lived how i wanted to. it wasn’t until this semester that i finally gave Christ the ultimate control of my life. i finally surrendered to Him…and it was so totally worth it. the amazing thing is that i thought life was awesome before and now it’s actually worth living because i have been given the opportunity to serve the Creator of the universe. every day i come to realize how small i really am and how monumental He really is. i have fallen in love with my Father. there’s no hiding it (not that i would want to). God has done such an awesome work in my life in just the last month and a half and i’m so eager to see what more He’ll do with the rest of my life. it wasn’t as easy as it sounded above though. all my life, i have been the small one in the group. very often i feel left out or ignored. even growing up i had thoughts of suicide. but i have come to realize, by God’s saving grace, that none of that matters any more. none of the pain i used to go through, none of my past sin, none of it matters. God, my Father, my Creator has saved me. why?! because He loves me! that’s it! there’s no deep meaning, no theology behind it. God made me and now He sent His Son just to save me from my life of sin. it’s so awesome to think about the fact that i was dead long before i was even born. i was dead in sin before Jesus Christ died on the cross to rescue me and because of that, i have new life in Christ. God’s love is so amazing and on top of that, i get to do His work. what an honor! He has done so much for me within only the last month and a half. he has placed me in an awesome college and around awesome friends that He uses to keep me in line. i have also been placed in a group of musicians in order to share the gospel and destroy what society calls “culture.” it’s taken 19 years for this, but i’m so ready to serve God!